Coping Strategies

Suicide lifeline

Call or text 988
If you are an LGBTQ+ young person in need of support, reach out to the Trevor Project, available 24/7.

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What do I do Between Sessions

Although, you’ll be learning ways to calm and contain yourself during sessions, sometimes the emotions can be overwhelming and hard to contain in-between sessions. I’ve listed a number of different strategies below so that you can explore and find the ones that work for you.

Sometimes, it’s less about the overwhelm and more about wanting to increase therapy’s effectiveness, or to speed up the process and feel better already. There’s information below for building internal resources through suggested activities and relaxation and meditation techniques for you.

Strategies for Calming Through Distraction

  • Breathing exercises
  • Taking walks
  • Coloring books
  • Mandalas
  • Sudoku
  • Puzzles
  • Crossword Puzzles
  • Solitaire with cards (avoid screens)
  • Container exercise
  • Safe place
 
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Relaxation & Meditation Techniques

Relaxation techniques typically involve redirecting your attention towards calming stimuli and cultivating body awareness. The specific technique you choose is not as important as consistently practicing relaxation to experience its benefits.

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Detaching From Emotional Pain (Grounding)

When you’re feeling cravings for substances, impulses to harm yourself, anger and sadness that feels overwhelming, you need a way to create a healthy distance from your emotions so that you can feel safer and more in control. This is called grounding and it anchors you to the present. Often people who struggle with substance abuse or have a history of trauma struggle with either feeling too much, experiencing overwhelming emotions and memories, or too little, which results in numbing and dissociation. You can find balance between the two with grounding techniques, which helps you become conscious of reality and tolerate it.

Adapted from Lisa Najavits, PhD and Shirley Jean Schmidt, MA, LPC

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Soothing Young Parts Between Sessions

When we get triggered, one way to look at what’s happened is that one or more of our wounded parts of self have become activated and upset. To calm the upset, first return to an adult state of mind, then reassure the wounded parts, and tuck them in.

Suggestions for Getting Back Into Your Most Adult Self

  • Slowly exhale your breath, very slowly. Let the inhale fill up your lungs, and then slowly exhale again. Do this 10 times.
  • Smell the scent that you anchored to your resources
  • Play soothing music that you anchored to your resources
  • Look at an item of jewelry that you wear to remind you of your resources
  • Look in the mirror to see an adult face and body. Touch your face to see that it’s yours.
  • Look at your phone, or a current calendar, to see what year it is.
  • Look at your driver’s license
  • Consider if your most adult self believes you’re in danger now (parts may feel threatened when there’s no danger)
  • Do something physical (jog in place, run up and down the stairs, push your hands together, or twist a towel)
  • Notice your body standing, sitting, or walking, and the fabric against your skin
  • Notice the room (the lighting, shadows, colors, sounds, temperature)
  • Make a list of recent school work or work successes.
  • Distract yourself by putting together a puzzle, coloring, Sudoku, or a crossword puzzle
  • Look at objects in the room and guess how much they cost when they were new
  • Ask yourself questions only you can answer from your most adult self - from a list prepared in advance. Who is the Secretary of State? What’s a GPS device? What’s Twitter? When is the next Presidential election?
  • Do the Cross Crawl touch right elbow to left knee. Then touch left elbow to right knee. Keep doing this until you feel more grounded. If possible, do it in front of a full-length mirror

Reassure Upset Wounded Parts

  • Get in touch with the part(s) of self that got triggered. See if you can sense how old the part(s) are
  • Welcome them. Welcome. I’m really glad you’re here. I know you’ve been hurting a long time.
  • Validate with a statement that starts… It makes perfect sense that you’d be very upset now given how… convey that you understand where the upset comes from, considering what was going on in your life at the age these part(s) got stuck in the past. You might add… Feel free to stay sad/ angry /fearful /mistrusting as long as you need to.
  • Offer reassurance tailored to the trigger. It might sound something like… I know you’re feeling really scared right now. Idt may seem to you like something really awful is about to happen and you have no power to make it better. I want you to know we’re going to be fine, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.
  • Connect part(s) to the resources (internal support team). Have you met the Resources yet? Do they look good to you? Can you get up close? Invite the part(s) to experience reassurance and love from the Resource team. Notice how much the Resources love and support you. They completely understand why you got triggered. They think you’re wonderful and precious, deserving of tender, loving care. Notice they want to take care of you now, to see that you feel safe and loved, and get all your needs met. Does that feel good?

Tuck in Wounded Parts

  • Promise to help part(s) in the future. I’d like to see you get unstuck and healed at the perfect time. I’m not sure when that’s going to be, hopefully soon. Theresa is going to help us with that. We’ll talk about this in our next session.
  • In the meantime, you’ll need to tuck into your (special safe place). There are lots of fun things to do there, like (beach, pool, bowling, movies, horses, etc.). The Resource team will be there too to help you with anything you need, or if you just want to hang out with them. I’ll be checking in on you later, as well. Is there anything you’d like to say or ask before you tuck in?
  • Find a nice, warm, and cozy, safe place to tuck in at your special safe place, with the Resource team. A good, safe place to wait until the next time you’re needed.
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Building Internal Resources

Internal resources are anything internal that provides relaxation, pleasure, support, strength, and safety. For suggestions on activities that build internal resources click here. 

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